A Knowing Peace

Nothing but the sight of God will satisfy the longings of this girl's heart.



Circumstances and the decisions ahead of me right now have me clinging tightly to my Savior more than ever. So much of me on the inside just wants to know the answers. My dad is the most wise person I know.. and I believe Jesus uses him as his sound board. We discussed some things that got me to thinking....... and I searched deep within myself. As I have said before, I am very anxious. And this is the truth. I havn't been trusting. I've just been waiting.. and have been relying on people to give me the answer that I want to hear. (I need Jesus.)

There's something that he's doing in me, y'all.

At this time last year.. I had so much peace. But right now, I feel like I have been looking at everyone deep in the eyes and am seeing what they have experienced and am believing that my experience will lead me to their same circumstances. Doubt. Now don't miss what I am implying.. I do believe we can learn from eachother, and by witnessing God moving in other people's lives we can be changed by the prompting of the Holy Spirit! What I am doing is giving into fear.

Don't be afraid, bethany.. you would say to me.

A Knowing Peace. I am asking God for a knowing peace.

I may not know the answer.
I may not know how long until I WILL know.

But, I do know that He is bigger.

And I can hear him telling me to forget fear. To forget my circumstances. To challenge the decision ahead. To forget the list of impossibilities I keep putting infront of me. To be prepared. To get ready. To pray. To stay alert. To reach ahead.

To be still and know.

(You've got this girl's attention.)




He not only meets my needs..
But He exceeds them!!
You are my everything, Jesus...

I know he's going to surpass my expectations.
I know I must abide in him.

It's going to be a journey.
that I am willing to walk....




Dear year 2007,

You havn't been too shabby...
I've grown in a thousands ways.. and have made it to the great eighteen.
New friends and old ones to lean on and laugh with
And traveling to 3 OTHER STATES! (that's pretty amazing for me!)
God expanding my heart for people of all kinds.
and teaching me to love the right love, the true love.

I don't think I will miss you.. although, it has been fun.;o)



happy new year!

Un-ordinary

5 things I did today that I havn't done in a while :o)


Paint my nails red.

Wear my Beatles t-shirt.

Drink homemade hot chocolate WITH marshmellows :o)

Shop in the mall for 3 1/2 hours and walk out with ZERO shopping bags..

and...
letting someone BUY me a PINK shirt...................wow...( i hate pink )




but it's really..

fuscia though ;o) haha



"Have a holly jolly Christmas!"

Down pour mornings

Waking up to a thunderstorm was perfect...

the rain drops hitting my bedroom window...I pushed back my heavy curtains and rubbed my eyes to discover the beauty of the down pour on the lake in our backyard...

It was perfect,

to calm my anxious heart.



"Why has your heart carried you away?"
- Job 15:12



I hear his voice again. His grace sweeping over me again. I havn't been still. I havn't been listening.



I will wait.

even if waiting if the most trying part....



"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
-John 14:1





I could runaway, but you will never leave...
you will always stay......right by my side.

The Cup of life...in his hands

In Jewish culture, traditionally, when a man wanted a certain woman to be his wife, he would go to her father's house and together they would negotiate a bride price. He would offer whatever he was willing and able to pay, the price often exceeding the salary of 4 years labor. Nevertheless, he was willing to pay the price to win the hand his beloved. Once a price was negotiated between the young man and the father, the man would take a cup and fill it with wine. He would kneel before the bride and offer this cup to her, and with it his life. At that moment he pledged to love, serve and lead her. The girl could either accept this.. or deny it. If she denied it, she would refuse the cup. But if she accepted, she would take the cup from his hands and drink from it.
Our Savior came to this earth. He left heaven, the house of his father to pursue the heart of a precious, precious bride. This bride has been battered and broken. Often she searched on her own for the love her heart longed for. She looked everywhere for a groom that would satisfy the intimate depths of her soul. But no one able was found. No one could rescue her from the life that she lived. Who could wipe the dirt from her slate? Could a heart as broken as hers truly be healed?
…
Then he came.
She had never encountered a man so persistent, so passionate and so sincere about making her his wife. There was nothing extraordinarily attractive about him; but she had a feeling there was more to him that what meets the eye. She had turned him away many times. He always seemed to come to her when she had just been defeated by her sin and covered in the shame of her adulterous pursuits. He came, when she lie helpless on the floor. And how could she respond to him in a state like that? He would never desire her after gazing upon the extravagance of her filth.
She could never let him see. Never could she allow him to see.
Intimacy... would never be theirs.
Yet, little did she know he had already seen her misery. His love still love abound for her. Still, he longed for her. He watched silently, as she pursued her lovers and fell. He watched as her heart was given, taken and trampled upon over and over again. He watched. And he waited for her.
…
One night, he came and sat at the foot of her bed as she slept. He wept over her, and washed her face with his tears. "When will she realize who I am?" he cried. "When will she receive my love?" This man cried to the father. "What must I do to rescue her?"
In the silence of the night, the father answered. And the answer brought the man to his knees. Weak, yet strong he fell the ground. Believing the best for his bride and recognizing the price he must pay he replied to father and every listening ear:
"Not my will, but yours be done."
He glanced over at his future bride. As she dreamt, his eyes caressed her with unspeakable volumes of compassion. Every once in a while he would hear her moan and catch a tear falling down her cheek. In those moments he longed to free her from the nightmare. And he would... soon.
He knew that only by his blood could her heart be made whole and her righteousness established. Only by the slaying of his flesh and the laying down of his life would salvation reach her and the chains of sin cut from her wrists. He dreamt of that day. He dreamt of her...
Her purity would then be whiter than snow and her glory shine brighter than the golden sun. Her ashes would be taken, her slate erased and a garment of praise would be her eternal portion. The beauty... the beauty... the beauty of his spotless bride and the glow of freedom in her eyes far outweighed the tragedies of any sacrifice he must pay.
“She is worth it,” he thought.
“I will make my bride worthy.”
In my death…
She will live.
…
The next day, the man visits the house of his beloved with a cup in his hands. It does not lack a thing; it’s the purest cup this bride has ever seen.
“Come...” he said.
For the first time, she noticed his outreached hands. He had come to her many times before, but never before had she seen how his eyes beamed when he looked at her. They reached to the depths of her she thought no one knew.
“Come to me.”
She hears his voice and realizes, it is like no other. It is the sweetest melody she has ever heard. So promising, so true. She looks to him and sees..
He is no man. He is beyond this earth.
He is bleeding into the cup in his hands
The cup he offers
Is life- life to the fullest.
Will you receive it??

All that he is
He offers to you, tonight.

Recognize his love for you, my brothers. My sisters, recognize the eyes that pierce your soul. The Father adores you. "As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you..." (Isaiah 62:5) Let us respond.

Gaps

I'm dealing with gaps these days..


essays.....leading to evaluations...
hope.......leading to answers
restlessness.......leading to rest


desires are growing inside of me.
Big desires. (o Jesus....)


Prompt me to trust
I give you these gaps...
believing you have it all in your hands...


"don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
and then go and do that! because this world needs people who have become alive."
- Harold Whitman



singleness is hard.

Untitled

....as if love flies south
when it freezes.

Believing is seeing

*~*~*

A song I've been playing over and over again is
Wonderful Wonder by Ginny Owens
(one of my favorite artists)

I'm even more blown away by her life though...
she is blind

yet has seen so clearly what we are to long for. This song makes me cry because I am not only encouraged by her faith that is not based on her human limitations.. but it is also the cry of my heart! The song talks about what she cannot see (which makes my heart sink because I enjoy looking at all of these!...i am so thankful for the beauty of it all) but.....she has this clear vision of what we must fix the eyes of our heart upon!! JESUS!


I don't know the ocean is crystal blue.
And I don't climb the mountains for the view.
Or wish upon the stars above my head.
Or bear witness to a marvelous sunset.

But the very thoughts of things I have never seen...
Is all it takes to bring me to my knees.

O, what a wonderful wonder!
A display of great beauty and power.
O, what a wonderful wonder!
You are, to me.

I wish I could see life through Your eyes.
To gaze upon the canvas from Your side.
To understand all that has been before.
And to realize the plans You have in store.

But when I want to know what I do not see...
You will give me the courage to believe.

I can hardly wait until the time.
When You will turn the darkness into light.
And I finally find my way to heaven's door.
Where I won't need my faith anymore.

And when my eyes behold Your Majesty.
I will join with the angels and sing!!!



Thank you, Holy Spirit...
for opening the eyes of my heart!
And transforming me!







I would have this no other way.

A hymn that feels all too familiar

Father, I know that all of my life
Is portioned out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a p.r.e.s.e.n.t mind,
Intent on pleasing Thee

I would not have the restless will <--- which I battle with
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child
And guided where I go

Wherever in the world am I,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate.





Draw close my friend...He is so near. :o)

Much to be thankful for.
I love this time of year....
It reminds me to examine carefully ..the things that I don't always consider.

Lemon poppyseed bread

Don't miss any opportunity to grow by passing up a chance to love

something I'm learning.

something I'm applying.



My house is filled with the smell of lemon poppyseed bread and it's a sign
of the holidays being near! Usually I am excited about Thanksgiving, but
this year.. not as much. One of my brothers and my sister will not be able
to come home this year and this makes me terribly homesick for them.

I have been so consumed with "God's plan for my life" lately. And I've been
so busy in trying to get answers to questions like "Why am I here?" "Where
will I go?" I am beginning to understand that if I were to have the answers...
I would not be satisfied. (this is growth, you see!!)

But that...I must be satisfied with Christ Himself!

It's all in my head

There's nothing better than the smell of a Swifter wetjet at 7:30 AM...

I love walking into Starbucks at this time of year and holding a cup that says Peace and Cheer!

It's such a warm feeling to know somebody is listening to me with their whole heart...

I've recently discovered that I have nice shade of skin on my feet...

Thankfulness has been a blessing in my life.

Happiness is finding the extra french frie at the bottom of the to-go bag.

I love it when I'm reading the Word.....and I know that I am reading Truth.

I enjoy laughing with people. A lot.

I always feel like I'm falling up when I look up at the stars long enough.

I've never had Christmas on Christmas day.

It is impossible for me to do a cartwheel to the right.

I miss my long hair.

Big coats look funny on little people. But a good funny ;o)

I love my new roommate.

I am a Scribe.

I value compassion above all else.

Hook has to be the best movie ever.

I really want a dog.

Prayer works and I'm witnessing this everyday!

I am considering to go outside and sleep in a sleepingbag

Still but Still Moving

Every step I take...
counts these days.

Stillness is what creates love.
Movement is what creates life.
To be still and still moving...

[this is everything]

Copeland's in my head

I can see a million colors fall from heaven
Drip into the sunset
I believe there's a million other colors
That I have never seen
That are waiting for me there

Doesn't a sunset like that just make you want to fall in love?
On a moonlit night
When everything was right
And then we look Above

Hey!

Doesn't a sunset like that just bring you down to your knees?
On a moonlit night
And everything is right
When we look Above
- Copeland

This morning

This morning..
I woke up with this song in my head..
















And this morning..
I looked out of my window...
and saw this :o)

Swings with Plans.

I couldn't handle it anymore..
The frustrations of today were catching up to me...
pretty much following me as I drove
home from the studio...
So I pulled over at the park..
Got out of my car...
and walked straight to the swings..

I started to get higher...and then
carelessly kicked off my shoes as far as I could
(haha I used to do this with my friends as a kid!)




The wind in my face and the shade from the
trees and the holes of sunlight beaming down
on me..



Those frustrations?



didn't follow me to the swing..:o)

Jesus had a lot to say to me while I was on this swing...
And I wasn't distracted...
so I actually listened!!


He reminded me of some promises.
Big promises.
Promises....He will never forget, even if I do.
(PRAISE THE LORD!)

One in particular...
that I need to hear every once in a while

That He knows the plans that HE has for me!
not..
I know the plans He has for me.
or..
I know the plans I have for myself.

But I am suppose to know NOTHING! ;o)
Which is good...because I don't!
Isn't it amazing?
My Almighty God can know! And I'll leave it to him...today...this evening as I write this...

I'll leave it to Him.
If you ever see me striving on my own....push me off my feet, please.
I need to remember that while on this swing...
I wasn't standing on my own two feet...
(He likes to hold us sometimes!)
And today..he held me.
Held me close.

And when I jumped off that swing...
My feet landed on new ground...(more like sand?!)
but guess what?

Those frustrations?
hmm...

not so familiar anymore!
;o)

Psalm 138

Thank you for your love,
thank you for your faithfulness;
Most holy is your name,
most holy is your Word.
The moment I called out, you stepped in;
you made my life large with strength.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You will revive me;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and Your right hand will save me.
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me;
Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, endure forever--
forsake not the works of Your own hands.

- Ps. 138: 2-3, 7-8



I believe the calling.

Costa Rica

It's been on my mind lately...



[I want to go, Lord.]


and today during lunch while at the studio I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Go.
where?


Then Shari came up to me during rehearsal and asked me if I wanted to go to
Costa Rica with her!
My smile couldn't get any bigger.
Her eyes leaped with joy.

This was my answer.

What joy to be found in knowing that I will be poured out again!
On the streets of Costa Rica...while dancing & worshiping my Jesus.

O God, thank you :o)


[see? all I had to do was listen]

Only what's on my mind.

Expecting change.
yet being afraid of it

Wanting simplicity.
yet still yearning for new things

Desiring peace.
yet refusing to let my heart rest until answers are found



"All of my fountains are in You, Jesus"
Psalm 87:7



And I want to learn polish. ;o)

Reckless Feeling!

Driving at 9:04 pm...

45 mph...

new hair cut blowin' in the wind with the windows down.....

83 degrees....





this is my reckless abandonment.



It is SO good to be aware
that I have NO grip on my future.
That whatever happends next -
is none of my doing

BUT HIS :o)

I got to talk to someone about -everything the other night,
and the more I thought about it...
the more content I was with my blindness.

Once again, I'm caused to listen.

well here it goes........

I'll let you know what I hear ;o)
(((((HE IS SO GOOD!))))))

And it's resolved.

Questions and Sunrises

A lot is happening to me.

And there are many questions now that I feel like I need answers to .....








And I'm convinced that the SUNRISE I saw this morning......was
my Jesus smiling down on me.....
and I smiled back :o) :o)

Driveway Concerts

I got out of my car tonight...and looked up into the sky.

It was so bright with the moon's light, I could see the stars PERFECTLY!


Something in me wanted to sit on my driveway.
So I did. :o)

I sat there legs crossed
head tilted up with the moonlight kissing my face


AND I STARTED SINGING!!!! hahaa!

This song..

"You are so good to me, you heal my broken heart
You are my Jesus who loves me...
You died upon the cross, you lead me to the truth
You are my Father in heaven...

You are beautiful, my sweet sweet song...

You are my strong melody
You are my dancing rhythm
You are my perfect rhyme
and I want to sing forever"

:o)

It was beautiful. HE IS BEAUTIFUL!

I want to sit on my driveway more often!
You should too!!!

BLESS Y'ALL!

Smiles all around

"Preach the Gospel always...and when necessary, use words."
- St. Francis of Assisi.

The gospel has been beautifully exposed to me once again. And I am frozen.

It has been made clear to me why I am where I am............
There is nothing fulfilling about ballet....except glorifying my Jesus and for
Him to glorify Himself through me!

Dance has been so hard for me lately. And I guess you could say it has been a
battle of the mind. But, I realize it's all for eternity. For souls.

And I'm smiling :o)

because.......

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see
him now, you believe in him and are FILLED with an expressible and glorious JOY!"
1 Pet 1:8

and it's that JOY that gives me strength :o)

It's so beautiful.
Sooo so so beautiful is the plan that God has for our lives!!!!!!!

Just one year ago I was in such a whirlwind of love's highs and lows.....misplacing
my affections, my hope, and my strength.

I am in AWE at what my Jesus has made of my life thus far, and I wonder...just wonder :o)
WHAT He will bring in the next couple of days...weeks...and years!!
I wonder.

I wonder where it is.
When it is.
Who it is.
What it is.

I don't even know.

But YOU know! <--- THAT makes me smile :o)



Guys...............I am in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WITH LOVE ITSELF!!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I just want to be a little kid again :o)

Climb trees

Run through sprinklers

Receive lollipops at the bank

Roll down hills

Ride bikes



just seems like fun :o)

Humble Listening....

Who can paint the song of a bird? Of what shape are whispers in the ear? What color are promises? You can't photograph the spoken thought. It must be heard in the heart. Words spoken must be embraced in the mind and spirit - there they are treasured and can last a lifetime.

Listening can humble you, because at times it will make you feel blind. How many times have we prayed "Lord speak to me.." and without even opening our ears we begin looking for a sign. It's harder to believe what someone says, than to believe what we see with our eyes. But that is what the Lord has called us to do.

{We live by faith, not by sight.}

The next time my eyes crave something to see- I must remember the things that I touch and see are temporary; but the Word of God stands forever. It will be a discipline at first, naturally. But it takes nothing but a mustard seed of faith, a little bit of hope and a little bit of a courage.

Oh Lord, I fix my eyes and eyes of my heart on YOU!
You deserve it.
You want it.

February 9th, 2006

O Lord, I want to bless your heart above all else. Last night I asked you for a secure, undistracted devotion towards You and Your will and Your word. I want to be free from the concerns of the world and of my flesh. (1 Corinthians 7:32) I'm beginning to understand that I must renew my mind daily if I am going to have a renewing of my reactions to unmet expectations. And how many of those do I have? Plenty! (Colossians 3:1-2) I must take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ! Everyday, Lord, You reveal to me how limited I am and how extravagent and unbelievable Your grace is for me!! You show me people...You show me passions...and You show me Your vulnerable heart for my own. And it's beautiful.

I wonder sometimes about the man God will lead me to! Wondering about - what he looks like...what he likes to do...what he's passionate about...and what he's thinking about. I find myself sometimes asking the Lord what makes his heart glad? What breaks it? And I would pray for him! Pray that wherever he was...the Lord would let him know that he is not alone. I thank the Lord for the man he is today...and the man He is constantly forming him to be. He is the Lord's! And one day...we'll serve Him together! :o)

Bethany, he is at peace. I will bring you two together in my perfect timing. He's just not ready for you yet! And neither are you for him! I am preparing and forming him, just as I am with you! Just wait patiently....great things are in store!

Ha......funny thought just entered my mind! I am having an arranged marriage. .......and I have the ultimate match maker. ;o)

I'll close with this. But to encourage those who are only going to be reminded of their singleness this valentine's day...you have a Lover! And I can't even describe to you His absolute desire and compassion over you!! He fights for your heart! You know that quote - "If you're going to hurt someone, hurt the one that they love...." satan is at war with our Jesus!!! And he only attacks you because he wants to hurt our fighter.....but praise the Lord and the victory that comes with the blood of Jesus Christ and redemption!! He already has the victory! :o) ...........so be reassured..........you have an incredible Lover!

"Guard your heart. There is a treasure...a treasure I am drawing out. Wait on me. Do not leave my courts. I will carry you. It is precious. It is truly great. Greater than you now know. I am working. I am preparing you. How? You must pursue my righteousness and as you do, my trail of glory will follow you. Choose the truth, rebuke the lies. Cast them away, and speak my word. Proclaim my praise both in the crevices of your beautiul heart and in the presence of the great assembly. I will wrap you and consume you with the greatest love man will ever know. In this happening, my love will shape you. You will awaken, in the perfection of my will.. In the perfection of my timing...your love will bloom. Wait on me. Wait on me. Hold my hand; I have planned wonderful things for you. Let it begin tonight...."
- Quoted.My Captivator,

Hold me captive to Your everlasting love.

Clear Colors

I stand amazed, at the grace of Jesus.


I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity.
I now live by {presence}
I now learn by {faith}
I now love by {patience}
I now lift by {prayer}
and labor in {power.}

My pace is set.

My mind is fixed.

My goal is heaven.

My road is narrow.

My way is rough.

My God reliable.

My mission clear.




And when He comes....
He will not have a hard time recognizing me.

The colors will be clear.





O I am READY :o)!!!!!

Indeed...The Day will Come

Imagine.

It's your wedding day, girls. You wake up - lieing in bed...reflecting on the way it all happened. The Lord's providence and faithfulness
proving true once again! He is your's...and you are his. You ponder His ways- the way he brought you two together - the way He conquered
and worked out every detail of your life 'til this moment.
You rememebered all the times you questioned when this day would come.

And here it is.

You lie in marvel. Marvel of His hand. His perfect hand in the pattern of bringing you both together. You lie amazed at how he formed
you both so perfectly for eachother. Containing nothing but excitement and thankfulness - you want to jump out of bed and PRAISE
Him for it all! (and all that it will be)

You remember the battle. You were at such a young age...and He rescued you from heartache and hardness. He won your heart. And you
gave up your heart's desires...your heart's dreams...and cried out for His. And He delighted in the offering. It was far from easy. It took
many nights in tears of desperation. Desperate for His love. (Unfailing LOVE)

He never let go of you. No matter how many times you ran and tried your own way...and no matter how hopeless it felt; He kept you in
His arms and overwhelmed you with his peace and grace and formed you and refined you through he fire to come out as a precious
....beloved....jewel...of fire.

He called you to such a high calling of purity. And He protected that - even when you felt like giving your heart to the man you
preferred. He was there protecting it for "him"

He blew you away.

He promised it would be beautiful. And here it is. The beauty of it all - making two become one. For His sake.

You never dreamed the man you would come to love would be so in love with Him, too. But that's what united your love for one another.
The love you both had for the Lord. This is what you had been praying for. What you had been praying for him. And now both of your
flames would unite together as one to burn brighter than ever!!

You know it will be big. Beautiful. Sweet. Precious. Perfect. And you are overflowing to the brim with thankfulness. You stand in awe
of His providing hand. Here is a couple...willing to be used by Jesus...to radiate both of their flames to shine where only darkness is known.

You jump out of bed.

God's glory never leaving your thoughts.

You bubble with excitement as the hour gets closer - the hour you will see the man you'll call your husband. {beloved}


You stand behind the sanctuary doors. With family and friends sitting on the other side of the door who anxiously await the beautiful
providence and glory of the Lord to be shown. You are filled with gratitude for these people, tears start to make their way down your
cheeks as you remember their love and support and the witnesses that they've been -- seeing the two of you grow in your zealous for Christ.

The man of your life holding your arm around his. The arm gripping tighter as the music begins. He says a prayer for you under his
breath. and kisses your cheek...and leaves it warm on your face as he smiles with assurance in his eyes that "this is it". The tears never
stop ;o) you can't take your eyes off of him. The man you had admired your whole life...standing here waiting to give you away. What an
absolute offering. Your heart swelled with joy to know this man standing beside you was your father!

The last bridesmaid makes her way down the aisle.

You close your eyes.

The grip getting tighter.

The flame burning brighter than ever.

Your eyes meet a few of those who were most dear to you...smiling and glowing with grattitude.

THEN YOU SEE HIM!


His eyes bursting with anticipation. His smile from ear to ear and his countenance glowing brighter than ever before! He sees you
walking down in full bloom of purity and innocence. He blushes. You smile....filled with overwhelming joy as you see him bubble out
with laughter. You know he has NEVER looked at a girl like he is looking at you now!

Everything that you had ever stored up.....was now his.

Your father untangling his arm from yours...he faces you and holds both of your hands.....whispers in your ear "Precious girl, it's
time...I love you!" kisses your cheek again.....now his eyes are filled up with tears...and you squeeze his hands in response to his
overwhelmed heart.

You take HIS hand. You both say your vows...promising faith.....and choosing LOVE FOREVER.
The paster announces you both husband and wife and allows "the kiss"
And what a beautiful image of Christ taking his own.
He takes you for himself.
You take him for yourself.

You are one.

:o)

You both thank the Lord for His love and faithfulness....and you pray for your marriage that it will be devoted to Christ alone and
that is would be a living example of Christ and his bride.




Surrender your love to your Creator. He will bless you (and bless him) and will blow you away!!!!!! Trust him with your heart!!!!!!!!!!!
Purity is so precious. Let Him be your protector.

Preparation

I feel like my heart is being prepared for something, but not sure what yet.

I like this time of wonder though...it's good to be aware.



Thank you, Jesus :o)

More Than Words

November 5, 2006

I had a dream about him. And all I remember of it was me dancing and then suddenly I was on my knees with my long brown hair in my face - crying and then he came from behind me and brushed my hair back from my face as he lifted me up and looked straight into my eyes. For a long time he didn't say anything and then he said, "You are so beautiful, Bethany!" And then I don't remember much after that except embrace.

I don't know what I remembered this dream- but I did. It kind of reminds me of how my Heavenly Father comes and wipes away my tears and clears away my heart from my face and lifts me up from my brokeness and into His arms. His embrace speaks more than what words would say, I love you, my beloved.

It gives me chills.

Step into the Rain

I was walking out of Jazz & Java today...and it began to rain.

I looked around the parking lot....a few ladies, who probably just had their lunch break, were fleeing the scene to their Nissans to rescue their poofy hair.

I walked slowly.....each step...my feet completely drenched along with my Missimo flip-flops.
Not a care.

The sun was still shining...and as my mother always says ;o) "There's a rainbow somewhere!"
[What a promise.]

I didn't hurry to my car.


But looked up.



Often, rain is considered to be a bad case.
Like in a movie- the saddest scenes are always in the rain.
Like in a song- "Why does it always have to rain on me?" - Travis

It symbolizes trials in life, sadness, and negativity. [But the rainbow!] Don't forget the rainbow!!! It spoke in volumes today!

I have always picked out the Brilliance of the Sunshine in my life but never considered the Beauty of the Rainy Seasons. Not only can there be joy in the Rainy Season...but it brings renewal...it refreshes....it restores and nourishes the dead and brings Abundant Life!

This is a new way of thinking for me.

Instead of focusing on how wet I am (or am getting)
I need to learn to focus my attention on the growth in the earth. (and my heart!)
To realize the hope of that which will spring forth because of it. Look deeper, friend!



Next time you're running to your car........and it's raining...
Don't run.

Just look up.

Look into the face of Jesus.
Praise Him. :o)

Wet Hair.

+ Drinking tea.
Listening to Delirious? GLO
Waiting for my hair to dry.



"I am fulfilled and yet I hunger. What means this deeper hunger in my heart?"
- Alfred Noyes

"I feel desperate without vision."
- David Crowder Band


Recently -
Someone of great admiration once asked me what was my next step?
Step?

..more like leap. A leap of reckless faith.

I almost couldn't answer.
I find myself at times - knowing exactly what I want
...where I think I'll be and what I'll be doing there.
And at other times - I am blind

Which is from the Lord?



+

Hunger humbles.
(that's all i have to say)




and my hair is still wet.