Give Me Thy Heart

.... I slept a whole lot better last night after writing all of that in my last post....

Dear reader,
Our God is faithful to answer prayer. Believe.



"I do not ask my cross to understand, my way to see---
Better in darkness just to feel thy hand, and follow thee."


It's all His.


I've been reading A Sacrifice of Praise..


















It has challenged me tremendously! It's a collection
of Christian poetry in English is compiled from a huge
spectrum of poets who span thirteen centuries. It is
a deep and broad stream of praise, frequently poured
out by men and women who died for their faith in the
midst of persecution.....

Tonight I read the words of Anne Adelaide Proctor...
She had written a number of hymns and even had her
poems accepted and read by Charles Dickens..

My feet could fit her shoes tonight...



"In the dark church she knelt alone;
Her tears were falling fast;
'Help, Lord," she cried, 'the shades of death
Upon my soul are cast!
Have I not shunned the path of sin
And chosen the better part?'
What voice cam through the sacred air?
'My child, give me thy heart!

'For I have loved thee with a love
No mortal heart can show;
A love so deep, My Saints in Heaven
Its depths can never know;

When pierced and wounded on the Cross,
Man's sin and doom were Mine,
I loved thee with an undying love;
Immortal and divine.'

IN AWE she listened, and the shade
Passed from her soul away;
In low and trembling voice she cried,
'Lord, help me to obey!'

- "Give Me Thy Heart"
Anne Adeliade Proctor (1825-1864)

A New Meaning to PS 103

The past couple of weeks I have felt diverted. I am a mess at this time of year.... and I can't really pin down what is really bothering me. But, I think it's a couple of things. I've been restless. Hurt. Tired. Anxious. Discouraged. And some days.. really just wanting "out". I even had a discussion with a friend a couple of weeks ago how I feel like everything that I've been doing is ungratifying (WHICH IS A LIE!) And the Lord, THAT MORNING showed me in HIS WORD that through the SCRIPTURES come my encouragement, endurance and hope (Romans 15:4) And still........I would rather believe the lies of the enemy than the TRUTH of the Almighty God of heaven and earth.

Ooh but He is changing me from the inside out...
And what a wonder that is. It is seriously a wonder how He would still choose to be patient with me during moments (..weeks) like these.

I was reading in Psalm 103 last night.. and in verse 2 it says," do not forget all His benefits"..... do not forget. do not.

Do not forget the One who..

forgives all yours sins... and heals all your diseases (thank you, Jesus)
who redeems your life from the PIT.. and instead.. crowns you with love and compassion
(because the PIT is what I deserve...)
who satisfies ALL your desires with good things


SO THAT YOU MAY BE RENEWED!


RENEWED!



























He is slowly leading me to a place of realization. He is confirming in my spirit that all seasons have a purpose. All seasons. And maybe even more purpose during seasons like this, rather than the days I seek Him and feel Him closer than my skin. And that is in no way a small thing. That is monumental, dear reader. MONUMENTAL. But I believe it's when I have LIVED (like I have these past couple of weeks) in DESPERATION of needing to just hear His voice. Feel His touch. These are the times I KNOW WHY I need Him. WHY I was created for Him. And WHY there is no other thing in this life that can satisfy me than HIM ALONE!

It's passages like Romans 5... that don't really mean much except when your knees hit the carpet. You're listening to the silence. And wondering. Wondering how you can hear Him. Wondering how you can get through the rest of the day feeling like you do........

I'm just left in awe of the grace Jesus offers to me.. hour by hour.. minute by minute.. second by second. I've decided these kinds of weeks are pretty honest. I see my desperation. I see my vulnerability. I see that it is not in my strength. Not in my knowledge. Not me. But the ONE who is IN ME! He alone is strong. He alone is wise. He is. HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Psalm 103 (AGAIN!!!!)

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
[AND THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!]

who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with his steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good things,
so that your youth is renewed...."


You are my reward, worth living for...
You are still more awesome than I know.