A Knowing Peace

Nothing but the sight of God will satisfy the longings of this girl's heart.



Circumstances and the decisions ahead of me right now have me clinging tightly to my Savior more than ever. So much of me on the inside just wants to know the answers. My dad is the most wise person I know.. and I believe Jesus uses him as his sound board. We discussed some things that got me to thinking....... and I searched deep within myself. As I have said before, I am very anxious. And this is the truth. I havn't been trusting. I've just been waiting.. and have been relying on people to give me the answer that I want to hear. (I need Jesus.)

There's something that he's doing in me, y'all.

At this time last year.. I had so much peace. But right now, I feel like I have been looking at everyone deep in the eyes and am seeing what they have experienced and am believing that my experience will lead me to their same circumstances. Doubt. Now don't miss what I am implying.. I do believe we can learn from eachother, and by witnessing God moving in other people's lives we can be changed by the prompting of the Holy Spirit! What I am doing is giving into fear.

Don't be afraid, bethany.. you would say to me.

A Knowing Peace. I am asking God for a knowing peace.

I may not know the answer.
I may not know how long until I WILL know.

But, I do know that He is bigger.

And I can hear him telling me to forget fear. To forget my circumstances. To challenge the decision ahead. To forget the list of impossibilities I keep putting infront of me. To be prepared. To get ready. To pray. To stay alert. To reach ahead.

To be still and know.

(You've got this girl's attention.)




He not only meets my needs..
But He exceeds them!!
You are my everything, Jesus...

I know he's going to surpass my expectations.
I know I must abide in him.

It's going to be a journey.
that I am willing to walk....




Dear year 2007,

You havn't been too shabby...
I've grown in a thousands ways.. and have made it to the great eighteen.
New friends and old ones to lean on and laugh with
And traveling to 3 OTHER STATES! (that's pretty amazing for me!)
God expanding my heart for people of all kinds.
and teaching me to love the right love, the true love.

I don't think I will miss you.. although, it has been fun.;o)



happy new year!

Un-ordinary

5 things I did today that I havn't done in a while :o)


Paint my nails red.

Wear my Beatles t-shirt.

Drink homemade hot chocolate WITH marshmellows :o)

Shop in the mall for 3 1/2 hours and walk out with ZERO shopping bags..

and...
letting someone BUY me a PINK shirt...................wow...( i hate pink )




but it's really..

fuscia though ;o) haha



"Have a holly jolly Christmas!"

Down pour mornings

Waking up to a thunderstorm was perfect...

the rain drops hitting my bedroom window...I pushed back my heavy curtains and rubbed my eyes to discover the beauty of the down pour on the lake in our backyard...

It was perfect,

to calm my anxious heart.



"Why has your heart carried you away?"
- Job 15:12



I hear his voice again. His grace sweeping over me again. I havn't been still. I havn't been listening.



I will wait.

even if waiting if the most trying part....



"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
-John 14:1





I could runaway, but you will never leave...
you will always stay......right by my side.

The Cup of life...in his hands

In Jewish culture, traditionally, when a man wanted a certain woman to be his wife, he would go to her father's house and together they would negotiate a bride price. He would offer whatever he was willing and able to pay, the price often exceeding the salary of 4 years labor. Nevertheless, he was willing to pay the price to win the hand his beloved. Once a price was negotiated between the young man and the father, the man would take a cup and fill it with wine. He would kneel before the bride and offer this cup to her, and with it his life. At that moment he pledged to love, serve and lead her. The girl could either accept this.. or deny it. If she denied it, she would refuse the cup. But if she accepted, she would take the cup from his hands and drink from it.
Our Savior came to this earth. He left heaven, the house of his father to pursue the heart of a precious, precious bride. This bride has been battered and broken. Often she searched on her own for the love her heart longed for. She looked everywhere for a groom that would satisfy the intimate depths of her soul. But no one able was found. No one could rescue her from the life that she lived. Who could wipe the dirt from her slate? Could a heart as broken as hers truly be healed?
…
Then he came.
She had never encountered a man so persistent, so passionate and so sincere about making her his wife. There was nothing extraordinarily attractive about him; but she had a feeling there was more to him that what meets the eye. She had turned him away many times. He always seemed to come to her when she had just been defeated by her sin and covered in the shame of her adulterous pursuits. He came, when she lie helpless on the floor. And how could she respond to him in a state like that? He would never desire her after gazing upon the extravagance of her filth.
She could never let him see. Never could she allow him to see.
Intimacy... would never be theirs.
Yet, little did she know he had already seen her misery. His love still love abound for her. Still, he longed for her. He watched silently, as she pursued her lovers and fell. He watched as her heart was given, taken and trampled upon over and over again. He watched. And he waited for her.
…
One night, he came and sat at the foot of her bed as she slept. He wept over her, and washed her face with his tears. "When will she realize who I am?" he cried. "When will she receive my love?" This man cried to the father. "What must I do to rescue her?"
In the silence of the night, the father answered. And the answer brought the man to his knees. Weak, yet strong he fell the ground. Believing the best for his bride and recognizing the price he must pay he replied to father and every listening ear:
"Not my will, but yours be done."
He glanced over at his future bride. As she dreamt, his eyes caressed her with unspeakable volumes of compassion. Every once in a while he would hear her moan and catch a tear falling down her cheek. In those moments he longed to free her from the nightmare. And he would... soon.
He knew that only by his blood could her heart be made whole and her righteousness established. Only by the slaying of his flesh and the laying down of his life would salvation reach her and the chains of sin cut from her wrists. He dreamt of that day. He dreamt of her...
Her purity would then be whiter than snow and her glory shine brighter than the golden sun. Her ashes would be taken, her slate erased and a garment of praise would be her eternal portion. The beauty... the beauty... the beauty of his spotless bride and the glow of freedom in her eyes far outweighed the tragedies of any sacrifice he must pay.
“She is worth it,” he thought.
“I will make my bride worthy.”
In my death…
She will live.
…
The next day, the man visits the house of his beloved with a cup in his hands. It does not lack a thing; it’s the purest cup this bride has ever seen.
“Come...” he said.
For the first time, she noticed his outreached hands. He had come to her many times before, but never before had she seen how his eyes beamed when he looked at her. They reached to the depths of her she thought no one knew.
“Come to me.”
She hears his voice and realizes, it is like no other. It is the sweetest melody she has ever heard. So promising, so true. She looks to him and sees..
He is no man. He is beyond this earth.
He is bleeding into the cup in his hands
The cup he offers
Is life- life to the fullest.
Will you receive it??

All that he is
He offers to you, tonight.

Recognize his love for you, my brothers. My sisters, recognize the eyes that pierce your soul. The Father adores you. "As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you..." (Isaiah 62:5) Let us respond.

Gaps

I'm dealing with gaps these days..


essays.....leading to evaluations...
hope.......leading to answers
restlessness.......leading to rest


desires are growing inside of me.
Big desires. (o Jesus....)


Prompt me to trust
I give you these gaps...
believing you have it all in your hands...


"don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
and then go and do that! because this world needs people who have become alive."
- Harold Whitman



singleness is hard.

Untitled

....as if love flies south
when it freezes.