Give Me Thy Heart

.... I slept a whole lot better last night after writing all of that in my last post....

Dear reader,
Our God is faithful to answer prayer. Believe.



"I do not ask my cross to understand, my way to see---
Better in darkness just to feel thy hand, and follow thee."


It's all His.


I've been reading A Sacrifice of Praise..


















It has challenged me tremendously! It's a collection
of Christian poetry in English is compiled from a huge
spectrum of poets who span thirteen centuries. It is
a deep and broad stream of praise, frequently poured
out by men and women who died for their faith in the
midst of persecution.....

Tonight I read the words of Anne Adelaide Proctor...
She had written a number of hymns and even had her
poems accepted and read by Charles Dickens..

My feet could fit her shoes tonight...



"In the dark church she knelt alone;
Her tears were falling fast;
'Help, Lord," she cried, 'the shades of death
Upon my soul are cast!
Have I not shunned the path of sin
And chosen the better part?'
What voice cam through the sacred air?
'My child, give me thy heart!

'For I have loved thee with a love
No mortal heart can show;
A love so deep, My Saints in Heaven
Its depths can never know;

When pierced and wounded on the Cross,
Man's sin and doom were Mine,
I loved thee with an undying love;
Immortal and divine.'

IN AWE she listened, and the shade
Passed from her soul away;
In low and trembling voice she cried,
'Lord, help me to obey!'

- "Give Me Thy Heart"
Anne Adeliade Proctor (1825-1864)

A New Meaning to PS 103

The past couple of weeks I have felt diverted. I am a mess at this time of year.... and I can't really pin down what is really bothering me. But, I think it's a couple of things. I've been restless. Hurt. Tired. Anxious. Discouraged. And some days.. really just wanting "out". I even had a discussion with a friend a couple of weeks ago how I feel like everything that I've been doing is ungratifying (WHICH IS A LIE!) And the Lord, THAT MORNING showed me in HIS WORD that through the SCRIPTURES come my encouragement, endurance and hope (Romans 15:4) And still........I would rather believe the lies of the enemy than the TRUTH of the Almighty God of heaven and earth.

Ooh but He is changing me from the inside out...
And what a wonder that is. It is seriously a wonder how He would still choose to be patient with me during moments (..weeks) like these.

I was reading in Psalm 103 last night.. and in verse 2 it says," do not forget all His benefits"..... do not forget. do not.

Do not forget the One who..

forgives all yours sins... and heals all your diseases (thank you, Jesus)
who redeems your life from the PIT.. and instead.. crowns you with love and compassion
(because the PIT is what I deserve...)
who satisfies ALL your desires with good things


SO THAT YOU MAY BE RENEWED!


RENEWED!



























He is slowly leading me to a place of realization. He is confirming in my spirit that all seasons have a purpose. All seasons. And maybe even more purpose during seasons like this, rather than the days I seek Him and feel Him closer than my skin. And that is in no way a small thing. That is monumental, dear reader. MONUMENTAL. But I believe it's when I have LIVED (like I have these past couple of weeks) in DESPERATION of needing to just hear His voice. Feel His touch. These are the times I KNOW WHY I need Him. WHY I was created for Him. And WHY there is no other thing in this life that can satisfy me than HIM ALONE!

It's passages like Romans 5... that don't really mean much except when your knees hit the carpet. You're listening to the silence. And wondering. Wondering how you can hear Him. Wondering how you can get through the rest of the day feeling like you do........

I'm just left in awe of the grace Jesus offers to me.. hour by hour.. minute by minute.. second by second. I've decided these kinds of weeks are pretty honest. I see my desperation. I see my vulnerability. I see that it is not in my strength. Not in my knowledge. Not me. But the ONE who is IN ME! He alone is strong. He alone is wise. He is. HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Psalm 103 (AGAIN!!!!)

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
[AND THEY'RE RIGHT HERE!]

who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with his steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good things,
so that your youth is renewed...."


You are my reward, worth living for...
You are still more awesome than I know.

Seeking Truth

Knowing Truthby Jeff Bidiman

I have wandered on an endless quest,
Seeking truth's true definition.
From searching mountains without rest,
To a desert expedition.
Everywhere, I had been told,
Truth is but a shade of grey.
An argument for the bold,
Or a fragile work of clay.
It is not, I must proclaim!
It lives and breaths as you and I!
Truth warms me like a candle flame,
And paints His glory across the sky,
Where cheering angels all applaud
My discovering that truth is God.

Beauty

"Weak is the effort of my heart and cold my warmest thought: But, when I see thee as thou art, I'll praise thee as I ought" - John Newton

You can find me these days at Barnes and Noble with the word of God in front of me.. and a cup of "defining sense of self" in my hand. (A tall vanilla chai) ;)

Lately, the Lord has been showing me {BEAUTY}

Beauty in the sky..
the rain..
in people
in eyes..
in books
their words..
the songs
of the birds..
in music
in poetry..
in creation
and all its glory..

There have been moments in the past when I have "appreciated" beauty in these
things... for example, the beauty of a sunset. I can remember many times just pulling
over on the side of the road to look and watch the sunset. And appreciated that moment.
But lately.. I feel like the Lord has been showing me MORE. What I feel seems to be a
deeper gut of admiration than just appreciation.

I hope this never leaves.

Jesus is showing me more and more of Himself.
It's indeed, liberating.
:)

A Hymn

O Christ, our Hope, our heart's desire, Redemption's only spring! Creator of the world thou art, it's Savior and its King. How vast the mercy and the love which laid our sins on Thee, and led Thee to a cruel death, to set Thy people free! But now the bands of death are burst, the ransom has been paid; and Thou art on Thy Father's throne, in glorious robes arrayed. O Christ, be Thou our lasting joy, our ever great Reward! Our only glory may it be to glory in the Lord!
- Latin Hymn from the 7th or 8th century

Doing & Living

"All I know is that I love what I am doing in life, but there is quite often a difference between doing and living. I do lots of things. But do I live lots of things? Do I live the things that I do? I want to think about this more..."

Desiring Desperation

You want to be radiant?
You want to glow?
You want to impact hearts for eternity?

Dwell with me.
Know me.
Listen to me.
And the secrets of my heart,
the keys to the Kingdom will be yours.




God is doing monumental things in me, y'all.
Pray.


Count on the goodness of the Lord.

Elliot on a Rainy Day

It's a rainy Thursday afternoon...and I'm sitting at Barnes & Noble.. pondering. I just cracked pen my new Elisabeth Elliot book that I just purchased and am stuck (already) in the introduction!!

Elisabeth's words have encouraged, convicted, and strengthened me with the help of the Holy Spirit!

She had a written a prayer (also on a rainy afternoon) at Wheaton College in 1947.. and it sounds just like the prayer I've been uttering to my Savior in 2008 at Barnes & Noble:

"Lord, give to me a quiet heart that does not ask to understand, but confident steps forward in the darkness guided by Thy hand."

This was my heart's cry and desire then. It is the same today. A willing acceptance of all that God assigns and a glad surrender of all that I am and have constitute the KEY to receiving the gift of a quiet heart. Whenever I have balked, the quietness goes. It is restored, and life immeasurably simplified, when I have trusted and obeyed. God loves us with an everlasting love. He is utterably merciful and kind, and sees to it that not a day passes without the OPPORTUNITY for new applications of the old truth of BECOMING (John 1:12-13) a child of God. This, to me, sums up the... [ Meaning of life ]

-Elisabeth Elliot
Magnolia, Massachusetts
October, 1994 <--- just 14 years ago!!

I feel change coming

I Feel Change Coming
- Lisa Gungor

http://cdbaby.com/mp3lofi/gungor-06.m3u

October Morning

This is the love language of my Savior this morning...

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.
Psalm 34:8

To taste a thing must precede our DESIRE for its
sweetness. - John Piper


Piper's quote from above is so true. To taste and see
that the Lord is good must precede our desire for the
sweetness of HIMSELF!!!

Touring has been such a neat experience! I've been to
so many new places and have met so many people.. its
quite exciting!!
What has been the most challenging part of tour though
is surrendering daily. I learned the hard way that letting
myself become my own priority leads to feelings of ultimate
emptiness.
There were many times I was crying out to Jesus for joy.
For strength. For grace... and even though all of those things
are good, I was missing what I was in DESPERATE need of.

Just Himself.
My Jesus.

Everything that I kept looking to for fulfillment kept...
leaving me..needing Him.

And y'all, once HE became what I desired... (more than
strength, joy, or grace for the day..) He filled me with good
things!!
God is mightly honored when a people know that they will
die of hunger and of thirst unless they have God, Himself!


As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants
for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the LIVING GOD.
Psalm 42:1-2


He.."filled my heart with GREATER JOY than with their
grain and new wine abound."
Psalm 4:7


His goodness is great in my life.
(Psalm 31:19)

Living with Questions

I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Dont search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Massachusettes

Crisp Morning in Massachusettes:
This tour has been quite an adventure. I'm thinking back on the day when we first left and it feels like years ago. I started and finished the book "Living Water" by Brother Yun on this tour.. and also started John Piper's "God's Passion for His Glory...Living the Vision of Jonathan Edwards". These two books have challenged my entire life and the way that I live now. You will probably witness a change the next time you see or talk to me. I am hoping this to be true. (It needs to be true.) How can I walk away from reading such profound reasons and insight of the Greatest Divine and not live differently? God has used these two books to challenge me to put the FAITHFULNESS of God before every other consideration.

I love being with my new family now. Yes, they are family. We love. We encourage. We sing. We laugh. We cry. We build up. We are following the Lord together. There is nothing more beautiful than to be around and simply talk with these people. I am deeply inspired. I've seen them on good days. I've seen them on bad. And amazingly, they continue to strive. It would be wise for me to learn from such as these. I want to. :)

I love being up north..especially during this time of year. I have never been to Massachusettes, but I am witnessing the loveliness of itself. The crisp air. The crickets in the woods. The colors of the leaves. The breeze sending chills up my spine. And the sun beaming its light all around me. He is pleased with what He has made. And I am sitting here, silently.... basking and taking in all that He has created. :)

Our performances have been uniquelly different each time. I have been blessed by each host that has brought us in. With open arms, willing spirits, and OH! the good food. ;) There are days when I am so determined to bless others... (or at least try to be a blessing..) And instead....I am blessed. We are ministers. But we are being ministered to. Like this church that I am sitting in the playground of. I've never seen such gratefullness in a church to serve. You can tell that it is an honor for them. They make little of themselves and much of Lord. There is not a shadow of doubt that all they want is to bring others to Christ through their servant-hood.

We've changed things around a bit in our program to where we have a call to worship and prayer at the end before our finale. And the ministry during that time is incredible. God is glorified and lifted high each time!!!! Just last night when we were singing The Revelation Song by Christ for the Nations...I barely opened my eyes.. and before me was no longer an audience... but the children of God crying out to their Father! A people passionate for His name. I could no longer see them because my eyes were filled with water by that point... but to me, this was a glimpse of what it will be like in heaven for all of eternity. My heart swelled with joy.

Colombia Recap

Barranquilla, Colombia
South America
Alpha Tour 2008


What an AMAZING tour this was! I'm having a hard time finding the right words to say... because there is so much. God's presence and favor was over us the entire trip! He kept us healthy.. provided the strength.. increased our faith.. and shared His heart with us FOR the people of Barranquilla and the other dancers from Dominican Republic and Venezuala! I've returned to the states completely changed. This is both liberating and terrifying. It's wonderful though. :o)








(Here we are on the stage after rehearsal..)

I'm still in shock at how people were drawn to us. It wasn't just because of the obvious fact that we were Americans - but that there was MORE! Christ was made known. :o) And people came to know Him - committed their lives to Him & were completely changed and transformed by Him! Hallelujah!








It's funny.. because re-reading the 2 posts before this one... I actually got to witness the LORD answer every one of those prayers!!! There were salvations and people desiring to know "why they felt what they felt" when we were dancing! There was even healing of bodies while we were there, PRAISE THE LORD! He is so faithful to answer, you guys..

I take it back. It's not funny!! It's JUST like our Lord to glorify Himself!

Click the Link

http://www.elheraldo.com.co/ELHERALDO/BancoConocimiento/Z/zvideoballet/zvideoballet.asp?CodSeccion=16


Click the link to see clips of Alpha's performance in the IV Festival Internacional de Ballet en Barranquilla, Colombia!!

:o)

And I will post an update on how the trip went soon!

Colombia Part 2

Tonight, in preparation for my trip to Barranquilla
(which is only just less than two weeks away!)




.... I want to give thanks.




Have we discovered how good the Lord is?
Then in us he is as good as that!
Is his power great?
Then in us it is no less great!!!!!

Praise God,

his life is as mighty as ever.

IT IS MIGHTY IN ME!

IT IS MIGHTY IN YOU!

I c a n ' t l o v e t h e s e.

I can try to show love.
I can try all I want.


and find, that I have none.
It is not natural.
I do not have a love for these people.




JESUS DOES.



I want to run outside and scream it:
JESUS DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



And what a difference this love makes!
It redeems.
It rescues.
It protects.
It is flawless.
It is whole.
It is not selfseeking.
It is not boastful.
It is not proud.
It is not envious.
It is unchanging & neverending.


I, Bethany Hurstell... do not and cannot dissipate it.


My love is empty.


My love lacks knowledge.


But Christ's love completes!!!




O Jesus.



O Sweet Jesus,
Hear these small words of mine.


Express it.
LIVE IT OUT!


through ME!


Your Word says in Ephesians 3:16, 19...
that I am "strengthened with power through your Spirit in the inward man; ... to know the love of Christ" May this be so! What I show forth outwardly, Lord Jesus, may it be what You have put within me! I don't want to be filled with anything else. I don't wan to spill anything else. But You. YOU!!!!!!


You have given me Christ. And there is now NOTHING for me to receive outside of HIM!!



I give thanks.... because You are all I need.
You're all that I want.



And you are ALL that these people need.
Show them the reality of the emptiness of their lives.
Show them he fullness of yourself.




Touch them.



















Save them.






















Heal them.

















Give them peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Colombians carrying the symbol of peace: a dove.. and
saying that it has been nearly 60 years since there was
any true peace in the country. More than 2 generations
have grown up only knowing horrific violence.)

I no longer live.
But Christ lives through me.


My holiness is spelled with a capital H.
My love is spelled with a capital L.
My compassion is spelled with a capital C.

Because Christ is revealed!!

I am nothing.
He is everything!!



I GIVE THANKS
FOR HE IS GREAT
HE IS GLORIOUS
HE IS MARVELOUS
HE IS WONDERFUL
HE IS POWERFUL

HE is mine. And I am His!!!!!!!!


And I will walk BOLDLY in this!

God's hand and no other

Update:

http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/index.php/print_view/23323

Barranquilla, Colombia






The overwhelming news of WE'RE GOING was almost too good to hear.
And that is just like the LORD.
:o)





I can tell you, honestly...
Anything is possible with the Lord Jesus.

Anything.

The Alpha company is going on tour to Barranquilla, Colombia August 28th through September 5th! We are dancing in the "International Ballet Festival" and are representing the United States!(Woah!!!) I am so excited and am so eager to just GO (haha!)
But this country is in need.
(our world is in need)
it is in desperate need of peace.
in desperate need of the GIVER of peace.

"As it stands, the communities in Colombia live day to day – praying and hoping for divine protection. "

To meet in his house;
a bicycle blown apart when a Christian was riding it.
It is hard to fathom the level of violence in this country,
a country in the same hemisphere as the United States.

- It is estimated that there are currently 2,800 hostages being held by rebel groups.
- 25,000-30,000 people die each year in the civil war.
- It is estimated that someone dies every 20 minutes in an act of political violence.
- 45% of the world’s disappearances occur in Colombia.
- The annual murder rate is 15 times higher than in the US, which itself has a much higher murder rate than Europe.
- Sixty percent of the murders of human rights workers throughout the world took place in Colombia

I know that the blood of Jesus is over us.
It is going before us...
and will spill over onto ALL who encouter us.
(because they are encountering HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

"Remember that in Colombia there is a
church that cries, but won't give up.
There is a church that wants to grow,
day by day, and it is
growing."

Please...we covet your prayers.
It will be none other...than JESUS to save those around us!
My Jesus.
He is IN ME!
He is in us!
HOW AWESOME IS HE!!!!!!!!!!
No other name..
No other hand..
than His.








Pray for the other ballet companies that we will
be performing NEXT TO from
ALL AROUND THE WORLD!!!
Pray for the gentleman who requested us
(literally begged!!)
Pray for safety.
Pray for DIFFERENCE!
Pray for the LIGHT to shine in the darkness.







Our God is mighty to save.

Everything to Me

I don't want to be committed to opening the Word of God.
But EXCITED!!

These last couple of days I feel like I've done nothing but
read the Word. And that is everything.

It is everything to me

[it really doesn't get any better than this]



You satisfy this heart - completely




p.s. I can't stop playing "Change me" by Shannon Wexelberg

Upside Down Kingdom

My heart is torn.
I have never felt like this before.............
the more and more I hear stories like these-I KNOW that God's Word is TRUE and worth giving my life for. I am on no such "mission-high" I just know my fearful responsibility (2 Corinthians 5:11 <---LOOK THAT UP!)

O Lord, I desire passion......passion like Zeba's

Limitless.

A passion for Your Gospel...
may it be the OVERFLOW of the radical change you have done in my life.....
the OVERFLOW of the redeeming work of Jesus Christ!!

-Evangelism is ONE thing I can't do in heaven...
it will be too late

"When this age is over, and the countless millions of the redeemed fall of their faces before the glorious throne of God, missions will be no more." - John Piper




How will they hear?

if we do not tell them!


------------
Monday, July 21

“Repeat these verses!” Zeba was ordered.

“I will not repeat the verses. I am a Christian. I will always be a Christian.”

With her family in poverty, Zeba was forced to work as a servant for a wealthy Muslim family. While she was working, the head of the household tried to teach her about Islam and coerce her to memorize verses from the Koran. On three different occasions Zeba refused, stating, “I am a Christian.” She was beaten each time she refused.

Zeba’s employers then had her arrested, falsely accusing her of stealing from the family. After securing her daughter’s release, Zeba’s mother visited the Muslim family to take up her daughter’s defense. She was not welcomed.

One of the family members screamed, “You are an infidel! Both you and you daughter are infidels and do not deserve to live.” They threw gasoline on Zeba’s mother and lit a match. Zeba never saw her mother again. Despite the tragedy, Zeba continued her walk with Christ and was recently baptized.

Today in Pakistan, a sewing school has been established so young Christian girls like Zeba will no longer have to seek employment as servants to help feed their families. Despite her pain, Zeba holds no grudges, and she dreams of sharing her faith with others in her country. She wants to become a Bible teacher.

God’s kingdom is right side up only when it is upside down. His hierarchy of importance is upside down compared with how the world structures people in society. Instead of the talented, beautiful, and wealthy at the top of the list, humble servants make the heavenly headlines. Zeba is nothing in the world’s eyes, yet she is doing great work for the kingdom. A servant may not be especially talented, but a servant is available to work. A servant may not be worth much to others, but a servant is invaluable in God’s service. What does it mean to live contrary to the rest of the world? If you surrender to God as a servant, you will know the feeling firsthand. Are you willing to humble yourself to the role of a servant and do whatever is necessary to spread God’s Good News?

Got to be Yours

Nothing left but these pieces
Nothing here except my broken life
All I offer is all I have
I lay my life beneath your throne

Keep my heart
I give it to you, Lord
As I offer mine
Will you give me yours?
Keep my heart
Till the closing of time
And I'll worship you
For all of my life
Keep my heart

No one here but your spirit
No one here to hear just how I feel
Just to know how I long for you
To teach me just to trust your hand

I don't know if I told you
How I long for your heart
I've just got to be like you
I've just got to be yours


nothing else...

Sit, Walk, Stand

I am currently reading Watchman Nee's
Sit, Walk, Stand

And I am literally amazed by the wisdom
of this man. I feel like I need to re-read
each page just to soak in all that I am
laying my eyes on.

But it's more than just laying my eyes
on these pages. My heart is in it.

It's involved.

The book is based off of Ephesians..
and this morning I was just relaxing
against the studio wall before devotions
and I read just this very small part...





As Christians our standard of living can never be "right or wrong," but the Cross. The principle of the Cross is our principle of conduct. Praise God that he makes his sun to shine on the evil and the good. With him it is a question of his grace and not of right or wrong. But that is to be our standard also....
We are back again in the first section of Ephesians. What is the secret strength of the Christian life? Whence has it its power? Let me give you the answer in a sentence: The Christian's secret is his rest in Christ. His power derives from his God-given position. All who sit can walk, for in the thought of God the one follows the other spontaneously. We sit forever with Christ that we may walk continously before men.
Abide in Christ, and our position ensures the power to walk worthy of him.
Sitting may seem to be far from the picture of the Christian life, but it may serve to remind us that our conduct and behavior depend fundamentally upon our inward rest in Christ. This explains Paul's language here. (Eph. 3:20 & Col. 1:29) He has first learned to sit. He has come to a place of rest in God. As a result his walking is not based on his efforts but on God's mighty inward working. There lies the secret of his strength. Paul has seen himself seated in Christ; therefore his walk before men takes its character from Christ dwelling in him. Small wonder that he prays for the Ephesians: "That Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith" (3:17)




So much to take in.



I hope that you have realized the position
that you have in Christ....

YOU ARE SEATED WITH HIM!

And when you realize and BELIEVE this
He will work within you as you rest in him.



HE WANTS TO WORK!
He wants to show his power!!!!

But "our works" get in the way!!!



Be encouraged :o)


He wants to show off....
won't you let him?? ;o)


I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Proverbs on the mind...

Actively Trusting

To take a risk means to (actively trust.)

This is my active trust to You, O Lord.




I am standing on the abundant provision of Your grace.
(Romans 5:12;17)

Overwhelmed Goodness!!!

Ministry is in the past.....and Ministry is ahead of me.




I understood.
I understood what it meant to be overwhelmed today.

My trainee season has just come to an end, thank you Jesus!
And I have spent the past 3 years ministering with amazing
people to ALL kinds of people groups I didn't even have
relations with before I came here! (He expanded my heart!!!)





So in many ways- I was on this emotional rollercoaster...
walking into the elementary school we were dancing at
- thoughts like
"this is the last time I'll do this....I'll do that....I dance with
that person.....I'll see this"




And today, I was asked to give a testimony before we danced.

Speaking?
In...in front of ...

PEOPLE????



I can't!!!! I am too wrapped up in this being "my last time" to do
so many things! I AM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK!

and please realize, I am not good with words......
................that are VOCAL!

I can't for some reason get out what I want to say...
And then I beat myself up for not saying what I really
WANT to say...instead, I say something entirely
different.



.........

It was short.

It was bold. <-----not of my nature It was overwhelming

I still feel like I didn't say enough...and the enemy will
do that! Make me feel like I didn't say the right thing
or didn't really know what I was talking about.....



And you know what?


I was certain.
SO certain.



Certain enough to where water rose in my eyes as
an OVERFLOW of the Lord's love for these kids and
adults in front and people in the wings beside me!!!!!!!!!!!!




He is to be praised!
He is to be lifted high!


Oh God................YOU ARE GOOD!!!!!
I have sensed this all along, but I am SAYING IT NOW!


THAT YOU ARE GOOD!!!!!!!!!





What an awesome feeling.
To be overwhelmed.

Not stress-related at all.


But God's heart-related!


I felt it, you guys.







I can't even write it.



AND THEN I HAD TO DANCE AFTERWARDS!


Laughter only spilled from my heart the entire
ballet though. hahaha, only because of too many
bloopers and mess-ups to count.......and because
I was enjoying the presence of the Lord AND
dancing with people I loved that could not be
expressed in words!!!!



















His Goodness to me is Overwhelming

Failures of the Flesh & Heart

"If we've eyes to see
If we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin
Come and live again
Leave all you were before
To believe is to begin"
- Brooke Fraser


I am puting myself away tonight. This life...the one I know..and the one I don't.......is all in His hands. I forget the reference..but the verse that says "my flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever".....will not leave my mind tonight.

And I can testify that this week....and many before this one...my flesh and my heart failed me. And I have a feeling that I need to just be obedient and let the Lord have it all.

Pray for me.

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee
If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee

I'll be found in You

when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in YOU
still standing when the sky rolls up
and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in YOU

there's distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows is easier to stay
but I've head of rumors of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

I Will Waste My Life

I will waste my life,
I will be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
just to find me at your feet.
Let me find I'm at your feet



at your feet.



For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.



Just let me cling to you
......just let me cling to you, JESUS

Oh My God

Just listening to Jars of Clay's "Oh My God"......and I can't really predict the emotions that I feel after listening to it over and over again.

Our world.


The one we either embrace or deny.
The one we applaud or hide.
The one we seek acceptance in.
The one we cry out for repentance for.



[He wasn't broken for nothing.]



"Oh My God"
Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"

Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.

Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries

Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say

Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light

When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God





[He didn't die for nothing.]

The overflow of the Lord!

Many men will drink the rain
& turn to thank the clouds...

Many men will hear You speak
But they will never turn around...

Many men will pour their gold
And serve a thing that shines...

Many men will read Your word
But will never change their mind...




Warning: You are about to read what is filling my cup to the [overflow]

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus!!



Nothing else!!



I just want to live what I believe...
Why is this hard? Why is it hard to just show the passion? Why is it circumstancial when it should be supernatural and concrete?

A faith not shaken.
A faith that will not be moved.



It's real. It's solid.

(IT'S AVAILABLE!)


My God is good. And if you can't see this in my life....then I am concerned.
Because I want nothing else but the VOLUME of his goodness screaming when you talk with me.


There is nothing else.



Jesus...



Everything else....is empty.


I am empty. (I am ready to shed this shell)

Until You come and fill me up....




It just amazes me...literally...amazes me!
That I, Bethany Hurstell, can come closer to God.

In His Hands

I have a handful of things to say........

but, it's all in his hands.

Something good

We think we can wash ourselves clean all by ourselves, and if that doesn't work, we hide. But that's not the way it works with God. What is hidden will always come to light. Jesus wants all of us. And the good news you ask? He doesn't ask us to become perfect for him. Instead, he offers to perfect us. He asks us to come and be made into his spotless, righteous, holy child. He asks us to come and be loved. No hiding, no shame and no more trying to gain what only his grace can give us. See, nothing we can do can make us holy enough for him. Absolutely nothing can make us worthy- except him. And Christ has made us worthy by laying down his life. But will we give ourselves to him? How are we willing to walk with him? What if we walk for miles and never see the light? Will we trust his leading when we're unsure of where we're going?

Quote on the mind.

Peace is not the absense of trouble.
Peace is the presence of God.
- Oswald Chambers

Results

Okay........

Our God is big.

Our God is good.




And I can actually TESTIFY that I have delighted in the Lord...
and that he has REALLY given me the desires of my heart (HIS HEART)


I WAS PROMOTED AS AN ALPHA COMPANY APPRENTICE WITH BALLET MAGNIFICAT!



"commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him" - Ps. 34:5



NEVER thought this day would come...esp. today!!!

HE IS SOOOOOO FAITHFUL!




OOOOO PRAISE HIM!

Just in a couple of days..

Listening to Lisa Gungor all over again...
reminds me of the beauty of the Lord. :o)




Evaluations are in a couple of days...
I really am just genuinely excited about wherever and whatever I'll be or doing next year.
I am so priveledge to have such amazing people that I respect and admire seek the Lord
for my future. NO WHERE ELSE will I find that.

He is so good, you guys.


I can't wait !!!! eeeeee!!!

Immeasurable

I seriously cannot measure the pain and the pleasure life has up its sleeve right now. My joy and sorrow.. todays and tomorrows..... are for me no guarantees...


But I am trusting..........
O God, I am TRUSTING


To trust You with my life and to believe you all the time...
To leave my doubt behind.. Oh, to trust you with my life
And to give You everything, all the deepest parts of me...
And to know You're always right.. to trust You with my life.





Broken here.

Before You on my knees.

Is my only hope.

Of finding peace.

Satisfying Hunger

My heart is a very interesting place right now.

A place where it craves depth and height.
It craves wisdom.....


I want to be extreme.


I want to be desperate.
So desperate...

for my Jesus.



Nothing compares to knowing him....and knowing more of him.
I never want to stop knowing and getting to know him........

Each time you see me.. I want to be even MORE hungry for the Lord!
Never stopping in "contentment"




Also..

I am so thankful for my friends...
friends who I trust enough to show my heart & its vulnerable dimensions...



"The white flag is waving...."


......it's only a surrendered desire.

No Less

I stepped outside tonight...
and it felt like the beach was in walking distance!
The wind was blowing so strong....and the lake behind my house actually had WAVES!!
sigh......................I could have melted just hearing the sound of the wind...


I just want to say.... I love the Lord.

and that may be all.








Your love wants no less than my life.

All Smiles

Is it possible to look the way I feel???

There's a smile on my face, and a brand new light in my eyes
It's a new day.
And I've never felt so alive, I feel as though I could conquer anything

That's what your love has done for me...



I love poetry with brilliant rhymes,
And songs that draw me in
With clever opening lines
I love rainy Sunday afternoons
Being kissed by sun,
And dreaming under the moon
The way the ocean feels at high tide,
The gentle stillness of midnight,
Oh I-I love the way You are so good to me,
I love the way You're so inspiring,
I don't know why You love me like You do,
But I love You.I love all the signs of city life,
And marvel at the way
The world just hurries by
I love breathing in the mountain air,
Climbing to the top,
And finding that You're there
Catching glimpses of Your mysteries,
I find Your fingerprints on everything
What I meanI hear Your music everywhere,
So gentle, yet so strong,
Your melody floats on the air,
And every time I hear You there,
I've got to sing along

.........I've got to sing along

Happenings

Why is it whenever I wish it not to happen.........something happens...

and whenever I wish it to happen........it never happens...

The Narrow Road

Follow God, listen to His voice and respond to it. You will begin a journey that will absolutely transform your life; you will be witness to such amazing things within your own spirit - and in the entirety of your life - that you will not be able to find words to describe them.

To know God is to know Life.

To Follow Him is to start the descent down the Narrow Road.

You will never be sure of what is around the next corner; you will have no idea what you will discover, and on top of that, you will realize just how utterly out of control we truly are - in everything. But you will begin to see the inverse side of this;

God is truly in control.

As you descend with unbelievable speed and momentum down the road of seeming uncertainty - throwing all caution to the wind and denying all human "wisdom" and intuition - you will see increasingly just how certain it is, that God is truly in control of you, your life, and everything else as well.

The Narrow Road is long, hard, scary, seemingly uncertain, amazing, beyond all understanding, unspeakable and finally,

Life-giving. Take it.

Listen to the longing within your heart and do what almost no-one else will ever do.





Live.
Truly Live.

Exposed

Honestly...

I just want to get through this without pain...
To just do this ONCE without thinking I will hurt myself...

But, Lord.... if you want me to go through the fire...

I will.




Only...

take me by the hand.




I can barely write.....my eyes are filled with tears...

Not so haste, my heart!

Not so haste, my heart!
Have faith in God and wait,
Although he linger long,
He never comes too late.

He never comes too late;
He knoweth what is best,
Vex not thyself in vain;
Until he cometh, rest.

Until he cometh, rest;
Nor grudge the hours that roll,
The feet that wait for God
Are soonest at the goal.

Are soonest at the goal;
That is not gained by speed,
Then hold thee still, my heart,
For I shall wait his lead!

Seeking guidance

Whatever God ordains is right and this I seek forever.
And when my path is dark as nigh, toil, death and sorrow
pressure, then God will be most fatherly, guard me in
tender mercy. I seek his guidance solely.

Bach.




*Galatians 2:20